Boundary setting – Protecting kindness in celebrancy
Celebrancy often attracts people who are thoughtful, empathetic, and deeply caring. That’s no accident. This work asks for emotional intelligence, sensitivity, and the ability to be with people at pivotal moments in their lives. But I want to ask a slightly uncomfortable question:
Are we sometimes encouraging celebrants to be too nice – at the expense of professionalism, sustainability, and even care?
When kindness becomes a liability
Kindness is usually treated as an unquestioned good. And in many ways, it is.
But kindness without boundaries can quietly turn into:
- over-availability
- emotional over-involvement
- reluctance to say no
- fear of disappointing people
In celebrancy, this can lead to burnout, resentment, and a gradual erosion of confidence – all while appearing “helpful” on the surface. That should give us pause.
The unspoken expectations placed on celebrants
There’s an implicit story that celebrants should always be:
- accommodating
- endlessly patient
- emotionally available
- flexible at any cost
These expectations are rarely stated outright. They show up in tone, in assumptions, and sometimes in how celebrants are praised.
But when professionalism is measured by how much someone gives, rather than how well they hold their role, we create a problem.
Boundaries are not a failure of compassion
Setting a boundary can feel uncomfortable because it disrupts an image – of being easy, kind, or endlessly accommodating.
But boundaries are not about withholding care. They are about directing it appropriately.
A celebrant who can say “no” calmly and clearly is often safer to work with than one who says “yes” while quietly becoming overwhelmed.
What are we modelling to new celebrants?
This is where the question becomes bigger than individual choice.
If newer celebrants mostly see:
- overwork normalised
- exhaustion minimised
- boundary-setting framed as selfish
What do they learn about what it means to be “good” at this work?
And what kinds of people might quietly decide that celebrancy isn’t for them after all? Take a look at this article I wrote on LinkedIn about Celebrant Burn-out if what I’m talking about here feels a little too familiar.
A different definition of professionalism
What if professionalism in celebrancy included:
- knowing your limits
- protecting your energy
- being clear rather than endlessly flexible
- understanding that you are not responsible for everything
What if we praised steadiness more than sacrifice?
Questions worth discussing
I don’t think there are easy answers here, but I do think these questions matter:
- Where do you notice pressure to be “nice” in celebrancy?
- Have you ever felt uncomfortable setting a boundary and if so, why?
- How do we distinguish between kindness and over-giving in this work?
- What would change if boundaries were talked about as a core skill, not a personal failing?
These are not abstract concerns. They shape who stays in this profession, how long they stay, and how well they’re supported.