Handfasting. Breaking the glass. A tea ceremony. Sand rituals. The jumping of the broom. These are all ceremony elements that celebrants encounter regularly. And all of them carry deep cultural and historical meaning that belongs to specific communities and traditions. They are also all elements that get requested, suggested, or casually included in ceremonies without always understanding where they come from, what they mean, or whether using them in a given context is respectful or not.
This is the territory of cultural appropriation and it’s one of the most nuanced areas of inclusive celebrant practice. Because the line between appreciation and appropriation is real but not always immediately obvious.
What’s the difference?
Cultural appreciation is the act of learning about, respectfully engaging with, and genuinely honouring elements from cultures other than your own. Particularly when you do so with the knowledge and blessing of people from that culture, and with care for its meaning and context.
Cultural appropriation is the adoption of elements from a marginalised culture by people outside that culture, often without understanding, permission, or acknowledgement. Particularly when that adoption strips away the meaning or dignity of the original practice, or when the people whose culture it belongs to have faced discrimination for the very same practices that others now find fashionable or aesthetic.
The distinction matters enormously in celebrant work because we are in the business of creating ceremonies that feel authentic and meaningful to the people we serve. When we include cultural elements without understanding them, we risk doing the opposite – creating a ceremony that performs inclusivity while actually demonstrating a lack of it.
Why this comes up so often in celebrancy
Ceremonies are, by their nature, rich with ritual, symbol, and tradition. And as celebrants who serve couples and families from enormously diverse backgrounds, we regularly encounter traditions from cultures we haven’t grown up in.
There are two specific risks in our work:
The first is the celebrant who incorporates cultural elements they find beautiful or meaningful – perhaps a Native American blessing, a Māori greeting, a Hindu ritual – into ceremonies where the couple or family have no connection to that culture. Simply because it seems moving or relevant. This is appropriation, even when well-intentioned.
The second is more subtle: the celebrant who, when working with a couple or family who do have roots in a particular cultural tradition, incorporates elements of that tradition without fully understanding them. Without asking what they mean to this specific family, and without checking whether the family actually wants them included. Culture is not monolithic. Not every person of Irish heritage wants a handfasting. Not every Jewish family wants to break the glass. Assuming otherwise is its own kind of assumption.
The questions to ask
When a cultural element comes up (whether it’s suggested by you or requested by the family), these are the questions worth sitting with:
Does this cultural element belong to the couple or family I’m working with? Is there a genuine connection, through heritage, faith, community, or lived experience. Or is it simply appealing because it’s beautiful or unfamiliar?
If the family has a genuine connection, do I understand enough about what this element means to them specifically to incorporate it with care? Or do I need to ask more, listen more, learn more before I can do it justice?
If I’m learning about a cultural practice I’m unfamiliar with, am I doing so through resources created by people from that culture, rather than other external interpreters of it?
And always: am I centring the meaning of this practice for the people it belongs to, or am I centring my own sense of what makes a beautiful ceremony?
A note on education
One of the things I feel strongly about is that the answer to getting this wrong isn’t to avoid all cultural engagement. That would lead to bland, culturally empty ceremonies that serve no one. The answer is to educate yourself continuously, to ask better questions, and to approach every cultural tradition with the kind of genuine curiosity and respect that allows you to serve people well.
If you’re working with a family from a cultural background you’re not familiar with, say so. Ask them to help you understand. Most people, when approached with genuine respect and openness, are glad to share. This means their ceremony will actually reflect who they are, rather than who a celebrant imagined they might be.
And if you’re ever unsure whether something crosses the line from cultural appropriation into genuine appreciation, the best guide is usually the people whose culture it is. Ask. Listen. Defer to their knowledge and their wishes.
That’s not a limitation on your creativity as a celebrant. It’s the foundation of doing your job well.
Our CPD-accredited Inclusion and Diversity module includes a dedicated section on cultural appreciation versus appropriation, with a video by Dinah on incorporating rituals with meaning and purpose. Find out more on the website.
And if you’re exploring celebrancy as a career and want training that takes cultural respect seriously from the very beginning, I’d love to talk. Book an Informed Decision Session.
Warmly, Dinah
She/Her